We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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