whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
