I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
