either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
