i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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