Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
