when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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