she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
