the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
