you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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