I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So much Jack, so little girl.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
