It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
