Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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