oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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