So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
