Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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