You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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