Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
