dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
