She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
