R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
