plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
