SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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