you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
