..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
