I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
