There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
