You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
