Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
