im having a threesome with these popsicles
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
