I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
