I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
