Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
