her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize