oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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