if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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