you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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