Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
