I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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