Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
