My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
