Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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