Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
