But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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