Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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