community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
