At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
