if i died would you start the facebook group?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
