She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
