What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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