We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
