My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
