My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
