i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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