She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
