well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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