Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
