Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
