Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm too high and old for this...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
