They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
