I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize