Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My ass is underappreciated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
