We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My ATM looks so different sober.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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