i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
