I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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