nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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