people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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