you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize