apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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